my thots now

i tink i'm a lil too narcissistic for my own good.. i like typing out entries and den reading and re-reading em.. hahaha! terrible ... its like reading a book written by me..

jus read back an old entry abt me and ian.. and well.. i can't believe that i used to like him! gargh! my goodness.. and i wonder actually how he actually moved on so quickly.. that must've really been a crush! haha but i'm quite happy now with what things are like with qx tho.. heh.. like.. i'm jus glad i know him as a fren la.. and that there's a lil feeling in it.. =) i feel so flattered and happy and blessed at the same time.

argh.. right now i jus feel like being alone.. somehow.. being alone the whole day has kinda conditioned me to be used to being a lone ba.. and i really wanna study but i feel so ngaarrr about it.. hahah.. like i know i shld but i can't get myself to.. gotta really kick my butt and study!!

and i can't help but worry abt biodiv even tho i know that its all in God's hands now.. and all i can rely on is His faithfulness and greatness which is more than i need.. i know for sure.. =) but yeah.. looking at the essay jus made me feel like i shldn't have taken the exam so lightly.. i mean.. what if my lax attitude cost me a better grade? gosh.. it really doesn't pay to slack off.. and i'm making sure i dun slack off for my other two exams.. but its reaaaaaally hard tho.. i tink i'm stressed by it.. cuz i'm getting a minor headache over studying for identities.. suddenly what i thot was crystal clear to me has gone all mucky.. yeck!

so my plan now is to do up a mindmap on it and connect all the concepts together.. cuz i have no problem understanding the issues thru the readings he gave us.. but its jus how everything connects.. and i really gotta get a grip on what he means when he talks abt identity as essence.. and practice of cuz.. yep! tt's wad i shall do.. in between reading caitlin and archie.. haha i tink i multi-task too much.. gosh.. BAD study habits they call it.

and of cuz i'm kinda distracted by his absence la. jiat lat.. i tink i'm jus being very fidgity over here cuz i'm like in limbo.. can't wait for him to get back! tho on sat.. i doubt we can go out or anything and fri i'll be busy at youth net doing sharing.. heh.. sunday's gonna be another packed day.. so is mon.. but i itnk i need to slip in some studying for media tho.. tt one i've gotta score! and after 4th may..i'll be free from exams momentarily.. before i'm due for the mcys interview on friday.. and i've still got the student handbook to do/coordinate.. on top of the dance classes that i've expressed interest in.. i tink this hols are gonna be pretty packed up with activities.. not that i mind tho.. it gives me something to do at least.. =) i wanna do a language course too tho.. i really feel like taking spanish again.. possibly push my proficiency to a higher level.

so its prob gonna work out to be:
mon-fri (day): work
tue:care gp/leaders mtg
wed(nite):dance
sun(afternoon):dance

so i'll hv 2 free nites la.. heh! gosh.. i hope i'm not over doing things.. but if i dun do em now.. when can i do em?? ar well.. =) and of cuz there's commissioning to look forward to.. heh! even if i dun go as his special someone..i''m sure i'll go there as a proud fren.. and plus i need to take care of his parents... make sure they get there safely.. heh! after this ex he's unofficially graduated le! YAY so happy for him.. cuz this of cuz means that he will have more time.. and well.. he's one step closer to being an officer and he can finally seek treatment for his back problem.. yikes! hope that dude doesn't put it off too long.. poor thing

another weird thing is.. i tink i've got my period?! like for the second time this cycle..and i'm wondering why i've got it.. like didn't i jsu get it not too long ago? but if i do.. i'll be pretty happy.. cuz it would explain why i've felt like going to the toilet so much and my increased snacking habits.. goodness.. AND of cuz.. my bloatedness.. argh.. but i tink i eat too much la.. which is BAD i need to control my eating.. its cuz of the stress la i guess.. and its like comfort food for me.. gargh.. i need to learn how to make God my comfort rather than material stuff..

okay.. an early nite for me it shall be.. my head and eyes kinda ache.. gargh.. okay mum and sis are finally back.. type later! =P