its been a month

wow.. its been a month.. i wonder wad has changed since den.. shall go check it out later. but anyway i guess i haven't been typing here cuz of a lack of privacy when i'm typing.. either that or somehow the thots that i'd wanted to pen down slipped away somewhere and i somehow decided that it wasn't worth writing em down.

jus wanna blah this out tho.. i tink i'm running projects too much. and i wonder if i'm turning into a despot. u know.. like wad full control of everything and think that i know best wad's going on. i mean.. i know i'm not perfect, but what do you do when u got proj mates who are jus not as competent? i mean.. they don't seem to hv that same drive as i do when it comes to projects.. and let me tell you.. when i find pp who share that drive.. waah.. i feel super comfy wif em.. cuz i know that i can msn/sms abt our proj and we'll share e same conviction abt wanting to do this well without worrying that they think i'm neurotic.

okay.. well.. i guess i can get a lil neurotic.. and i do need to trust God more. jus for this child lang proj alone.. i know that i really put in a lot of effort.. and i really do want to see it take off.. =) an di know He will honour my work towards this.. cuz i really did this cuz i wanted to do it.. like i jus wanna put in my best lo.. not to usurp anybody or anything la.. but still.. it feels good to be recognized and given true credit for wad u've done. we hv this terms of resopnsibility at the back but it doesn't put in the fact tt i did the intro etc etc.. and i guess its good la.. cuz xuan wan did pretty lil.. and if we didn't put like tt.. itll really look like she didn't contribute. and i love em all.. dun wan em to be saboh-ed or anything.. but still.. how do we draw e line? i know the msg keeps ringing in my head that wisdom knows what matters more.. relationships rather than things. would i rather the grades and lose a fren? God i wanna commit this to you now.. eveyrthing.. e way i'm feeling.. e way i feel unappreciated (like Jesus eh?) and my worries abt not doing well for the exams/overall grade. Lord help me to trust you and place my hope on you.

for media also.. haiyooh.. i was really quite stressed that py's part wasn't as well done as i'd thot it would be.. i mean.. its like she didn't get the idea at all.. and its not that she purposely la.. but i tink maybe its her style of writing? still.. quite jiat lat ar.. an di felt so bad as i edited it.. cuz its like i'm overwriting her.. and i dun wanna do that.. but when it comes to holding the essay tog.. how can u not do that? and i really can't stand the way she keeps getting distracted and she and heidi will digress digress digress.. at least heidi produces good work.. but hai.. i tink i gotta get rid of this manner of looking at things and people and getting prejudiced against them. Lord.. forgive me for being so superficial and so result driven. i must remmber that it really is the process tt matters.. and to have faith that You can do the impossible and that You are faithful and Great...

guess it boils down to insecurity.. in that i feel unjustified.. so i guess tt has to be righted in me first! yeah...

and i tink jacob is interested in me.. hmm.. somehow.. i dunno but yeah.. and mark.. possibly? but i tink he loves me too much as a fren to think of something further than that.. tho i have an inkling that he's possibly had a crush on me before.. and perhaps me on him.. heh.. tt i dun deny..

ARGH pms-ing!!