he's not ready

yep.. tt's wad he called me to tell me about jus now.. and honestly when he told me.. i wasn't sad.. in fact i'm really just relieved that he told me that. i mean.. i'd rather an honest answer abt his own situation/condition than he string me along.. and i guess this might sound rather conspiracy-like.. but...

i was hoping that he'd come to that realization.

and i guess it was cuz that i knew deep in my heart that this relationship is gonna take a while.. as in.. it wasn't going to be an immediate i like u-u like me- let's get together kinda thing. and i didn't tell him this, tho i almost did.. but i feel like pride is something that he had to get right in his heart first. i'm glad that reading the book "boy meets girl" really opened his eyes to his own spiritual condition, not saying that mine is perfect, but that it really made him think abt where he was with God.

somehow, last nite when we had the talk abt us being friends and making that effort to keep it that way by setting boundaries that would protect us, i had in my heart a peace that assured me of God's faithfulness in this situation. i mean.. i really don't know how this will turn out.. if we do get together, den yes.. of cuz i'll be happy but if we don't.. somehow i know that God has a better plan in store for both of us. i have faith that it will turn out for His best for us. and the word has been affirming that in my heart as i sat down today to read it. Isaiah 49. that chapter really speaks of God's faithfulness and abt Him not forgetting abt His people.

in fact this issue that his walk wif God was still in the works (since he jus got back wif Him) was one of the first issues i confronted him with.. and in wisdom, my jie also pointed it out.. so yeah.. things are really pointed in the same direction and i can only say that this is God speaking directly to this situation. and i told him jus now also that i'm prepared to be met with, after the 4 months that we've set, to wait longer than that. that i jus want to be open to where God's gonna go with this.. that i'm not limiting Him to my options cuz tt's jus wrong.. hahaha.. like macam i present my requests/qns to Him and i take my own answer.. wad's tt suppose to mean!? hahah

he sounded quite down.. cuz i guess he really found this hard to relate to me.. but i'm honestly alright.. so i hope that my laughter and cheerfulness didn't make him feel worse than he alr is but cheered him up.. cuz i really dun wan this to be a pt of worry for him. thinking that this is a bad decision cuz it really is in God's plan.

i also said that i tink i know why i'm alright this time.. cuz i did all the emotional wrecking i needed to do waaaaay back then.. when i was all depressed and sad abt it being a wait and a sort of 'no'. in fact now that i think abt it.. the fact that i heard a 'no' back then.. did that mean he wasn't e one? hmm.. actually i dun tink so eh.. it was prob a 'no... now is not the time' thing..

but anyways i really want this 4 months to go by wif me examining my heart attitude to this relationship also la. that it really isn't out of desperation for someone to be there for me, to love me and hold me.. cuz that void shld really be filled by God.. its a good time to see if this feeling that i have towards him is one that is genuine, that can be carried out thru the yrs, thru my life on this earth and that it isn't one of familiarity.. yep! cuz otherwise it really is totally selfish of me la.. and i'm jus so thankful that we're both in God's loving hands regarding this situation.. and in fact in every area of our lives. i'm really glad that things are turning out this way.. =) cuz yes.. its hard.. its def easier to take the smoother road.. the wider gate.. but its only when we walk thru the highroads and the narrow gate where we'll find that Life that will sustain us.

so yeah.. like i was explaining to cheryl and to him and many others arn me.. that i really want to do this God's way.. i wan this to be a testimony to the pp arn me that it is possible to have things done right cuz we're obedient and cuz we've heard God's say in this. yup yup!

it makes me feel so good to know that i'm doing His will by waiting for now.. and i'm jus excited abt what the future holds.. cuz its really gonna be good! =)