the arts?

met with becky today.. and i must say.. it was PHENOMENAL! it was like God was there every second!

alright.. to be honest.. i thot i was gonna go there to kinda get some pep talk.. cuz somehow even tho i told her that i could make it for meeting next sat which now i've alr told her i can't.. she still wanted to meet me and that was wen i started to think.. 'uh oh' did i do something wrong? cuz i know that i haven't exactly been the angel arn here. i know my slip ups when i say the wrong things to the kids when i talk casually with em. i mean.. i jus felt wrong.

but boy was i wrong! becky talked abt none of the things that i was worried abt.. and i shld've known really.. she's jus too awesomely nice and tuned into God to do something horribly hurtful like that. guess i was jus givng myself a reality and pride check.

turns out that she had these awesome ideas on how to revamp the CW and KB systems and i'm jus so so so honoured and so privileged that she shared em with me whilst i was there. and to see her niece and nephew pics too! they're SO adorable!! i can't believe they're back in ireland.. awww...

wad's amazing is that.. becky has asked if i would be able to do the Arts side of things in some sense. cuz for CW she intending for the 2nd n 4th weeks to be worship after their kids' cells [tho we both agreed that the name's gotta be changed] and for KB she was thinking of having stuff workshop style after abt 40 mins of lesson so that the kids would be equipped for things like outreach etc. and the stuff involved things like drama, dance, puppetry, human video etc. and i tink that's jus so cool! and the more she talked abt the more i realized that God's been steering me in this direction all this time!

alright.. let me rewind to sunday cuz it was the most recent incident. i was jus praying and asking that God would give me a renewed passion for the kids cuz at this point i've jus really been thinking a lot abt leaving the ministry or well.. at least the leader-ish part of it cuz i realized that my primary ministry was really with the youth. and that day i was supposed to lead worship and it was miserable. raining.. plus i didn't get enough sleep the nite before cuz i didn't want to.. cuz i chose to ignore the fact that i had duty the next day. now that i'm not too proud of. i literally shoved my ministry to God off the racks and propped my feet up to kick back and relax when i shld've at least been resting so i could give my best to God. but God showed up anyways.. and that's jus how faithful and merciful and gracious and awesome He is. that even when i was unfaithful.. He was Faith-Full.

of cuz it didn't help that i got my arm jammed on the car window as it was whirring up shut.. and yeah..i hv a bruise there now.

but then it hit me that i shld thank God IN all situations. and so i did. i jus gave my whatever to Him and told Him that i wanted to worship Him. and it was so awesome. i felt my 'burden' lighten almost imm and i jus smiled and i believe the Holy Spirit was right there inside of me keeping me calm when things didn't work out.. giving me the Joy of serving the Lord in that manner regardless of what happened. and i remember telling God that i wanted to worship and to jus let Him shine thru no matter wad.

and guess wad? everybody's been telling me and esther eversince.. that worship was so awesome. and its ALL GOD'S GLORY!! woohooo! i mean.. at first me and her didn't notice a thing and in fact it only hit me today that God really showed up in that place on sunday esp when sis susan comisky came up to me and told me 'great worship on sunday' and i was jus stunned.. hahahah apparently Becky took some pics of me and the team. she calls em 'beautiful pictures of u' and i feel so happy.. so .. glad that she would think of me this way. she's really such an awesome leader.

the greatest compliment that she could ever give me was when she told me today.. that i was really up there worshipping and it showed on my face. that i wasn't there for myself, that i was teachable. and to me.. that was jus.. WOAH.. mind blowing! cuz for somebody to say that abt me when i'm always thinking that i'm such a stuck up pris with all the pride in the world.. it jus showed me that God's really doing something awesome in my heart and its making me go all the more for Him.. that i wanna change my life arn for His glory! wooo!

and tt's what she said when she told me that she wanted me to be one of the key persons in starting up the worship and arts stuff for the kids. and here's where the interesting part is. i remember pretty clearly on sunday that as i was standing on stage.. or rather.. somewhere on stage.. i thot to myself that i felt more inclined to doing the arts like leading worship or dancing or drama.. more than teaching. and i felt rather down cuz of that. cuz i was in CM and if u're in CM but u don't hv the heart to teach kids.. den.. wad are u there for? so i was jus really feeling it big time .. no passion for kids.. no passion for teaching. oh man.. i jus wanted to quit. but one thing that struck me was that i enjoyed dancing arn and worshipping God and leading the kids into it.. tho at that time those thots weren't so coherent. and Becky jus said everything that came to my mind that day. it all jus clicked.

so today's when i met up with her and left her office.. i was jus so awed by how eveyrthing had turned out. becky told me to go back and pray over this for the next few weeks cuz she was aware that i was involved in youth as well. and tho i tink the arrangements sound good.. i guess maybe i really shld let God do the arranging in my life and how He wants it to unfold. so Daddy.. here's another one for u! =) i'm glad that U're more than able to handle it! and u know what when i walked out... i jus felt so light.. its like i knew that God would handle my studies and everything else that came with it. so its jus a real relief right now..

becky's jus awesome. and she also told me that i had a prophetic calling and she prayed for me after everything.. so yeah.. everything's good.. i feel almost as if i'm like catapulted to an all time high. and i know eveyrthing's for real. wooo!

another thing that made me tear was how i got saved.. somehow that personal story jus hit me inside.. and i realize again.. how far God has really brought me and my sis in our walk with Him. and not once.. not once has He ever failed to show up. it jus goes to tell that He truly is the same. yesterday.. today and forever.

i love You Jesus!