feeling weakened and discouraged

hmm.. i dunno wad's gotten into me. its like i'm jus suddenly so tired of everything. well not exactly everything also. i'm aware that that sentence sounds a tad dismal and inaccurate abt my condition cuz i'm jus exaggerating. but truth is, i jus don't want to chase pp anymore for stuff. it like that day when me and the gals had some problems working out a time, i was jus frustrated. plain frustrated. and i couldn't help being so cold to dawn today. oh man.. how can i do that man? i thot i forgave her alr?? hmm.. but guess it takes me a lil longer for me to fully reconcile my feelings of amiability to her ba.. no doubt i've forgiven her le.

but den again what is forgiveness if it isn't shoown thru actions? i mean.. yeah.. God forgave us and He's been showing taht forgiveness thru His love. and well.. out of His love, He shows us forgiveness as well. so does this mean that i need to hv love in my heart first in order for this forgiveness to show?

tricky issue.

but yeah.. i forsee a VERY busy and long weekend ahead of me. kinda dreading it.. tho i know that separately, they're really nice and enjoyable. and i know that with God propelling me on, i'll get thru.

was jus thinking thru my mind that man.. life sure is tough. one moment i was refreshed and up there with God and now i'm like low low low.. but jus as i finished the thot, the Holy Spirit must've prompted me to remember this verse. IN all things, praise the Lord and go to Him in thanksgiving. i remember asking for hard times when i was reading the purpose driven life. cuz its only thru such hard things taht we can grow and we learn how to depend on God. and i guess my moment's come. so i'm gonna give thanks in the midst of it! thank You Jesus for the ability to type, that i have a home, that i've got Ur love, that i've got frens, that i've got food to eat, that my mouth can priase you, that U reign in my life, that U chose to create the trees and the birds and the animals, that U decided to give me this one more day to live, that U forgave me and died for my sins, i know that I live by grace and thank U for that grace Lord Jesus. Thank you for being my fren and thank u for this opp to be able to communicate with You and for this time of learning. Praise the Lord! Hallelujah!!!

hey.. i do feel better alr.. like things ain't so bad anymore! heh heh... thank U Jesus!!! =)

guess i'm jus tired la... had a late nite.. and guess tt's making me grouchy. plus.. from thurs turnout and disappointment.. guess i hven't recovered yet.. and it is inevitable the disappointments will come. but yeah.. looking at myself, i'm not too perfect either. so who am i to judge eh?

i realize that i'm getting progressively more worried abt money.. and i wonder why? i've never really worried like this before.. not so recently anyway. is it cuz i decreased my MFP? is it cuz i shut my life to God's grace? but den again.. God's grace surpasses far more than anything i could imagine....

so that's a lie.. that God decided not to bless me or give me His grace. esp considering that i jus typed abt it a lil while up.

i tink i'm jus withdrawing myself from Him. its like when i get into my me me me shell.. things don't seem to fit anymore. and i tink that's what i've been doing. running away.. hiding from the things tat are to come. Oh Lord.. I repent.. i ask that you forgive me for all the wrong attitudes and heart thots that have come from me. forgive me. i wanna get back close to you again and not let sin or my own selfish ambition separate us. u are the true vine and i need ur living waters once more. quench my thirst and give me strength Lord. u are my everything.. i need you. pls help me...help me to trust u with all that i have... in Jesus name, Amen.

committing:
- pre teen encounter games and worship
- tmr's cw lesson
- tmr's et blast lesson

Lord i know i haven't been a faithful srevant in preparing for teh lesson and these things that matter. forgive me. i know now that i live by grace and not by my own abilities. i wanna humbly come to you.. and i ask that do not let my unfaithfulness rob ur pp of hearing what they need to hear to be ministered. i pray that ur living waters, ur HOly spirit will be poured forth in the place and the time of ministry. forgive me Lord.. thank You. i know that i'm forgiven, because the debt and the price was paid 2000 yrs ago... thank You.. pls help me get thru.. and to shine for You, more and more.... -hugs-