living out the pages

jus now dawn jus told me that she wouldn't be able to make it for dance pract cuz she was planing on going to the fever 100 conference. and i'll admit.. i was a lil pissed.. cuz we made this agreement first.. but den i thot better of it.. and i tink.. yeah.. God deserves to be placed first in everything. this conference will do her soul good and i shldn't stifle whatever passion she has ya? in fact.. if not fr the dance pract.. i'd prob be going.. OH MAN.. i wanna GO! darn...

but den it also came into my mind that actually.. its abt priority la.. like if u make an agreement wif someone den u shld jus go ahead and fulfil it.. pretty simple eh? but in a case like this.. its kinda dilemmic.. ha.. okay.. made up word.. but still.. conveys things appropriately.

so it jus really occurs to me that yeah.. its true.. the Christian life really has to be lived out. its in the day-to-day decisions that we make that truly helps us see if we're Christian inside.. whether God has done that work in you or not. and i realize the power and wisdom of God's word. i mean.. i jus read the Bible ytd.. James 4 and before that, chapter 3. everything ties in so perfectly with what i've been thinking abt.. and it jus shows me the unity of God in the Word and in the Spirit.

for eg. i was thinking abt e sitn with dawn.. and i asked God.. for His wisdom in this situaion.. how am/was i supposed to hv reacted to dawn actually. and then i remembered what i read in 3:13-18. and i knwe that wisdom .. God's wisdom takes the form of purity, peace, consideration, submission, mercy, good fruit, impartiality and sincerity. i think i didn't fulfill eveyrthing.. considering that i was pissed.. and i had to make myself sound nice in the sms.. tho i was really in the process of thinking how to phrase my words appropriately so that i would be considerate and sincere abt it.. so yeah.. getting there.. with the help of the Holy Spirit!

think i jus got this revelation too when i was praying jus now.. like why we have to continually submit ourselves to God everyday and confess that we're sinners and ask for His forgiveness. okay it sounds really odd when i type it out.. but ya.. i realized that its so that we can keep living in His grace.. and not by our own strength. its like when we submit to Him by praying this.. we're acknowledging and reminding ourselves that we are still human.. and that we are all sved by grace and nothign else. so praying that really got me humble abt how i thot towards dawn. like.. man.. i shldn't even be judging or thinking such bad thots abt e situation/her.

and it gets me thinking abt wad me and my sis were talking abt tt nite.. abt monica... bleah.. i got so convicted when i read James 4:8- 12. i really am in NO position to judge.. and that jus reveals something yucky abt me.. Double Minded. i'm not better than a hypocrite when i talk against someone.. i'm judging the law and i'm bringing judgment on myself. thank God He always forgives me.. when i ask Him to.. so i know i'm forgiven... now.. why can't I be like that?!?! and how can i teach this to the youth when we're on a bitch session?

the Word is really sooo sharp and so relevant to my life. i dun care if pp say that its subjective blah blah.. we're ALL subjective beings anyway.. sheesh.. =) anyway.. talk abt boasting abt tmr.. when we can't even control e weather.. certainly brings things into perspective.. wanted to go swimming but ya.. weather acted up.. so uh huh.. real life lesson for me.

really wanna learn to live for God... He's showing me and revealing so so much to me.. its jus awesome!