being near him

blogging in the wrong blog

WAHAHAHAHA i jus realized that i blogged in the wrong blog.. darn! den all my sophisticated language all come out for nothing.. haiyah! -punches air-

ar well.. i'll consider copying and pasting it in 'In My Shoes' some other time ba.. i'll jus leave it here for now.. heh.. anyways since i'm at this blog now.. i'll jus blog abt what happened jus now la.. i mean.. its not to say that i'm sad or anything but i guess my heart's a lil unsettled now..and i know its not cuz of him but perhaps my own insecurities? and vulnerability ba.. and i know that God's holding this lil' heart o' mine in His big safe and strong hands now. -hugs-

we sat down at sakae to kinda talk things thru and find out where we're going.. wad are we and wad boundaries we shld be taking and it was going alright until we got to the part abt commitment and den josh jus alerted me to the fact that he's probably got this crush on a girl at church.. a back up singer to be exact. and let me tell u.. that jus sent my heart to the pits of my stomach and it didn't look like it would return. i told him that i felt like smacking my head in my bowl of ginger. cuz i was jus crushed.. with his crush.. ahhaha and i guess its cuz i really really like him.. and i've really invested so much emotion into this r/s.

BUT .. now you've gotta hear this

it jus turned out that josh was being VERY honest abt how he was feeling and on hindsight, he was being realistic.. and i'd say for myself that i've been there and i can say that on and off i will be there.. but its jus that i always tell myself that josh is better. that was wad he was trying to say.. so i basically broke my heart for nothing. tho it did feel really bad.. i almost cried in sakae cuz i felt so cheated.. like here we are building towards something and you say that u had a crush on someone????!?! i'm like wad?? hello? wad do and did you take me for?? for apparently.. its somewhat of a sense of admiration la.. and to him wad mattered was that his heart rested with me at the end.. tho i guess if we're in an exclusive relationship.. i dunno how much i can take for that.. cuz it potentially brings up a whole lot of stuff.. but bottom line is.. its that for now.. and i guess at this stage now.. i shldn't bring it up .. and i guess i will only bring it up if the situaiton arises again.. but right now.. i'm jus gonna bring it up to God.

alright.. so i've given it to God and i know i'm gonna let my heart rest with Him.. cuz He's the one that makes me whole and gives me solace. yep! its my almighty God.. my might King and beautiful Prince =)

but this had made me realize something abt me.. that i was more hurt with the 'lie' as in the feeling of being cheated rather than the fact that he 'likes' another girl. and i guess that makes me a sucker for honestly.. something that the book 'boundaries in dating' kinda talks abt.. and it makes me wan to be honest with him and the pp arn me too.. and it also got me thinking abt how jealous i can get. as in.. how possessive i can get cuz of my insecurity. and i realize that i need to continue to submit to God for this and to let Him fill me and not let josh take over as that filler. yep.. God.. pls guard my heart from feelings and actions that shld not be in this season.. i know You are the keeper of my heart and i give You the keys right now.

so yeah.. tt was the 'misunderstanding' that took place at sakae.. but it ended well.. cuz it jus made josh assure me so much more that he liked me and the fact that he said that if someone were to ask him if he was to marry me, he'd say it.. and tt mattered a lot to me. i mean.. that he jus wanted to assure me that he was interested in me.. that he liked me.. and that he wanted to be with me. i'm so thankful for that. i love him more than ever because of this.. that he's realistic, responsible and that he's sensitive to my needs as well. i tink its something that really wins me over la.. i've had to stop myself from messaging that i love him cuz i know that it isn't time for that now.. but honestly... i feel like i can say that.. tho only time will tell whether i really love him.. in action as well.

i also told him that i realized his love language is in giving.. while mine is in words... and i told him the depth of my commitment to him.. as in that i'm willing to enter into an exclusive r/s with him.. that while yes.. i'm not like 100% i will marry you, i'm prepared to focus on you more than any other guy and that i will do things for you that i won't do to any other. and yes.. tt's wad josh was saying too.. he was so clear abt it while i was kinda clouded over in my judgment and my sight somehow.. but he jus said that for now we shld stay where we were until the time is right and that we're jus choosing now to focus on each other more. and i agree with that.. but we're NOT officially a couple cuz tt'd mean being physical n all.. so yeah..

another thing i realize is that i also tend to micro manage and well.. i guess its time that i let go ba.. like not hold on so tightly to things but in everyting, submit to God above all... i tink i've neglected Him in the equation quite a bit these days.. sorry daddy.. forgive me? i do love You still.. and U know that.. but i know You miss me too.. i love You a lot too..i'm So blessed to have such a great Dad like you.. who knows my life inside-out and who loves me enough to give me the good stuff and keep me away from any danger that you see ahead. i love you.. an dlike the song said jus now.. i will giv emy life to you and for you. i love you. =)

nice saturday

ahhhhhhh... this has been such a nice saturday.. and i tink it'll continue to be an awesome one.. with granny's dinner later in the nite... wow.. how can it not be nice rite?

but i tink what made my day was heh.. hanging out with josh la.. and it started with the jog.. hahahah i tink i clocked my fastest time arn the reservoir la!! my goodness.. we left my place there at 755am i tink (yes i know.. crazy to be up so early on a weekend) and den we got back at 855am. BUT that was after we took a nice walk arn my estate there to cool down and to firm up our plans for the day. sooo effectively.. i took like hmm.. 45 mins to get arn e reservoir? which is like woaaah.. fastest yet la.. but i'm also aware that i was painfully slow beside him (darn!) and jogging behind him makes me go faster cuz i tend to keep pace wif his steps by virtue of the fact that he's in front.. -_-"

so thank goodness he slowed down his pace.. otherwise ar... haaaaaiiizzzz...

after the run i was craving for some indian food so he suggested his place the kopitiam there la.. (jus didn't feel like having commercialized food like macs or something.. heh!) so after he left.. i jus washed up and zipped down to his place lo.. heh.. didn't expect to step into his hse.. but turned out he v nicely offered to house my bag first while we breakfasted.. and i LOVE his estate!! hahahahah i told him he lived in a kampong.. cuz.. kampong ubi maaaa.. =) ok lame.. but anyways back to the topic.. his place is filled with super nice food la.. and the pratas that i had were SO nice.. nicer than the one near my church there lo.. there the prata is like well shaped (not torn and blah), sweet in a certain way and in short.. jus YUMMY!! and u read that right.. i had prataS (1 kosong and 1 cheese) woohoo! together with ice milo.. -beams- and before i got full i was being ambitious and asking if we could eat fried carrot cake.. turned out that reaaaaally cannot take anymore le.. darn!!

but was good la.. breakfast was nice.. and the weather was awesome.. nice breeze.. and well..nice to be walking arn like it was where i lived la.. hahaha like dunneed to carry bag and all tt..hahaha woohoo! i love houses..

den headed back to his place lo.. again.. didn't expect to stay so long but he had to wait for his fren to get back to him on the time he was supposed to meet him. sooo we waited lo.. and meanwhile jus talked to his mum la.. =) nice lady.. heh! and afterwards he was saying that it was nice that i actually talked to his mum.. heh heh.. -beams- but honestly.. i jus find it rude if i jus come and don't talk to his mum lo.. i mean.. its her hse.. and her son! =P whahahahah but den again.. i'm jus NICE... =P

anyways.. headed down to tampines after tt to cpf building where we realize that the machines are WAY too old.. gosh.. couldn't even detect my card when the guy scanned it in so we could get a queue number.. hahah but yeah.. was there to settle some stuff.. and yep.. walked out to very 'happening' music over at standard chartered.. they were having some carnival thingie or wad la.. and of cuz.. the weather was awesome... sunny but windy at the same time.. =)

-beams- awesome day out la.. its jus nice to slack n chill out once in a while i guess.. to not do anything and hv time to spare... hahaha and of cuz josh was being the great guy he was la.. heh..OH AND....

we met cheryl tan and desmond (her bf)

WAHAHAHA my goodness.. its weird u know.. it seems like everytime me n josh are out and when we visit sakae, we'll always bump into cheryl.. hahah this is the second time lo.. hahaha for an account of the previous time.. read february. heh! but anyways.. was so nice to see her.. she's BAAAACK!! -hugs- but cuz i was slurping up my ice-cream greedily and as fast as i can so josh could go off for service, i couldn't respond appropriately and well... i was stoning le.. so.. heh.. sorry girl for giving u tt blur look.. ahaahh but i tink u were jus as surprised to see me as i was to see u la.. hahaha! =)

and i jus realized from erjie that i didn't explicitly say wad's up wif me and josh now.. so i shall say it... in another blog entry ba.. haha cuz i tink this one's so long.. u guys are jus probably asleep right now.. so heh! updates coming to u soon :)

-beams- i'm such a lucky girl

yes.. regardless of what he says about using the word lucky instead of blessed.. i dun care! cuz i know that deep down God knows that what i mean..a ndi know what i mean..

but anyways i feel very xin fu cuz i have God who loves me so so much, i have my daddy, my mummy n my jie jie and i have him who really really really really really really really likes me plus i have all my other best frens like panpan, erjie, xm, mark who love me alot alot.. =)

talking to him last nite made my day.. as always.. whenever i talk to him on the phone i get super high and i can't sleep. heh heh! and reading teh boundaries in dating thing makes me feel good cuz i feel like we're on the right track.. and =) God is good la.. always always always..

woke up with a smile on my face cuz i know i'm loved.. and his voice was in my head still when i woke up. haah no not in a psychotic kinda way but in a nice resonant way... -beams-

oh..i tink he looks better in person too.. than in photos.. and mummy was pting out mm lee and showing me his brow bone and saying tt qx has the same brow bone.. wahahahahahah

i hv a smart fren!

on inner purity

alright so now me and josh are getting increasingly closer on emotional terms. and i tink that's fine.. we shldn't bare our soul but we shld also get to know each other on a deeper level ba. but what's bothering me now is our verbal 'proximity'.. u know.. stuff like -hugs- -beams- those text actions that well.. were meant to be translated to real actions.. and that night (the msn nite) he was an awesome friend.. but it left me wondering whether we had gone 'too far' so to speak.. and i'm reaaaaally wodnering if this is the way to go.. i mean..i told him that we both gotta be real careful la.. abt how we tread the line now.. and that we needed to sit down to discuss stuff.. yep yep.. hmm.. in fact.. why not tonite eh? since my gathering is off.. hmm.. and tmr i'm working from home.. so yippeeeeeee! =)

gotta pray abt this ba..

i LOVE him!

Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
if face to face u'll hv a crying girl in front of u lo
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
hahaha
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
oh no
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
are u crying?
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
hahah no laaa.. but on the verge? hahahah
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
................
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
no laa.. its not cuz u hurt me or anything
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
-hug- God loves ya and i LOVE ya TOO
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
jus the thoughts of it...
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
jus tt sometimes it hurts to open up the old wounds and find the yucky stuff in it
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
i understand =)
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
but to be healed emotionally
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
i think it's needed that u open it up and cleanse the yucky stuff
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
=) hahaha yup!
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
with the promise/word of God?
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
and thank u for the hug..
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
hahaha yup! tt's wad happening now ba..
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
as i'm reading the book and as i'm praying and spending time wif Him
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
tt was wad happened on sat morn lo
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
=)
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
and tonite as i was worshipping.. i got the same image again.. and this time more was revealed to me.. and i'm jus slowly healing ba
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
image?
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
hahaha
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
i tink i had a representation of sorts of the situation i was at now la
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
oh gosh tt's grammatically wrong
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
hahah
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
but yeaah..
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
=)
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
oh well
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
close your eyes
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
-hug-
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
=)
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
-beams-
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
-kiss on the forehead-
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
awwww...
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
wish i coudl give u a hug back but this is looking a lil too physical.. =) hahaha but i really appreciate it.. and i wish this was on sms so i can look back after i close this window
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
hahaha
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
i this situation
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
*in
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
i think physical is needed
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
you needed someone
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
but =)
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
=)
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
thankie u dude...
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
really needed tt..
Karina // muuuuaaaaaaah! there a big kiss to the world! says:
i mean.. i know God's healing me on the inside.. but it helps to hv a tangible presence as well
Prayer > Truth > Renewal > Abundance says:
if i was there in the physical i would have did it la hug

-----------------------------------------------------------------

just told him abt my weakness and how i felt insecure with my body and all tt.. and well.. he's jus being so awesome.. i can realy say that i love him.. but well.. only in the confines of this blog.. =)

the sweet presence of the Lord

it was jus the sweet presence of the Holy Spirit in my sis's room jus now la.. i was jus praying and den i started crying.. awesome healing moment it was.. =) but let me start from the begining.. i reaaally need to get this down..

i thot to myself that i hadn't been spending quality wif God lately. i mean, yeah i pray while i'm on my way to work.. and i speak in tongues ever so often.. but to jus set myself down and put away all that i'm busy with to jus pray and enjoy His presence.. i tink that's sometng that i haven been able to muster enough discipline to do every morning.. can u imagine how awesome tt'll be if i did it every mornign? WOAH

so i decided to jus check in to my sister's room since she's away on church camp and jus pray and speak in tongues like i usually do when i wanna enter into the presence of God. but this time i jus didn't feel like doing the usual speaking in tongues rambling kinda thing (there're two ways one ma) so i jus started singing. and i jus wanted to sing.. like lift my voice up in song. but i couldn't hv any song lyrics in my head.. like somehow i wanted to sing a hillsong piece but nothign came into mind.. so i jus flowed in the spirit la.. and jus sang in tongues. so usually i'd go in a typical kinda sing-song melody/tune.. but htis time... the song started to change. earlier on i'd heard this muslim guy praying u know in that kinda prosody? and i dunno.. i prob don't like the words but hte tune was really nice and i was really drawn to the tune. and i tink God was the one that made allt he different cultures when He broke downt he tower of babel.. so i guess it jus led me to wonder how other cultures praised God... and i tink that might've been what happened in the morn when i started singing. it was like my voice and my prosody got twanged into a hindie, middle eastern, hebrew kinda tune.. and i enjoyed it so much! and i jus felt like how David must've felt when he sang up a psalm to God.. WOW tt msut've been so awesome lo.. =) so tt was something new..

next ting that happened was that i was jus thinking abt how numb i feel towards qx.. and its not that i dun like him.. and worst still.. i felt numb towards saying i love u to GOD! so tt's something wrong.. and i tink the Holy Spirit jus let me know that there was something blocking my heart that was preventing me from being vulnerable.. which was why i wasn't letting my heart go.. no doubt that i've come a long way already. but i guess there are still partsof me in my heart of hearts that hasn't learn to let go yet cuz of hurt. and so i jus bring it to the cross..a nd i start teling Jesus that He's the strenght of my heart and that i know that He promised to step in and protect me..t hat i could jus let my heart go vulnerable wif Him. and all of a sudden i see a picture of the woman who jus let her hair and her tears wash Jesus feet.. and i felt like that was me.. and i start crying (or maybe i started crying first.. i can't remember) but i know that i felt like that woman.. who was jus letting herself go infront of Jesus.. and iknow Jesus was the one who was lifting my chin and tellig me that i've been forgiven, that i'm precious, that i'm beautiful.. and i could jus hear the holy spirit telling me that He loves me. and that when i was born, He held me in His arms. and i'm like.. awwww.. i love you TOO!

but ya.. it was awesome cuz i've never experienced such a crying 'fit' as if i was at service for altar call, at home before! and jus like tt.. gosh.. God is reaaally faithful.. its like when u call on Him, He'll really answer.. and man.. i love Him! and i know that God was really doing that healing work in my heart. and i felt that those tears were teh ones that i've held bck so many times when pp made snide remarks abt me adn i covered it up wif a smile or a laugh. and i might've felt alright then, but i know that deep down, my spirit and my soul were injured. and i guess God was bringing me into the grieving process.. and later on.. as i took my pain n my helplessness to God.. i know that He's already in the process of making things right. thank God for an awesoem God like him! =)

and so many minutes after i'm on the floor jus enacting the scene of grabbing the feet of Jesus.. i'm up.. teary eyed.. and thank ful for all that i am and all that i have. i ask for his forgiveness.. so using him as a power source whent he tme comes without having that proper relationship wif him.. and i know that i've hurt him so much.. but wad touches me is that he ministered and healed me even before i opened mymouth to say i'm sorry. truly.. this is a love that's unconditional. and i'm jus so blown away by it even as i type it now.

i sense that i need to come up raw and real again. i can't hid behind masks anymore.. and especially not with my God.. i need to feel pain and connect wif the mistakes and to jus push away fear to FEEL once more.. and i tink God's helping me thru it.. so -hugs- yesh Lord.. with your strength in my heart.. i know that this is all possible. reading the book 'captivating' always reminds me of the flower that i told the class represented women. cuz while we're make to be beautiful and pretty on the outside to bring glory to God, we're strong on the inside as warring princesses whose hearts are fortified by the Truth of God.. yep!

so yes.. i'm on my way.. and i pray that as i look back on this entry weeks or days from now.. the changes have alr been effected adn more is to come.. in Jesus name i pray..AMEN!!

i feel woohooo

that was last nite.. and now its.. i feel extra woohooo! well maybe not 'now' per se cuz i'm a lil tired from the day but this morning.. oh man.. i jus couldn't stop smiling and grinning to myself because of what God has done! alright.. i know i haven updated and i'm not sure if i can cuz its all jus in my head somewhere somehow.. heh!

let me begin with ytd la.. this is gonna be a LOOOOOONG post..

so ytd i left net at abt 330pm in the faithful and able hands of syl and eel.. and i think they're such awesome girls! they're jus gonna be women of God.. powerful and instep with the Holy Spirit.. with a passion for His people! i'm really believing that.. i left the house feeling So SO proud of em.. tt even when i was in the cab heading to farah's place to pick her up.. i was jus smiling and feeling so at peace that God's really the one leading the net and taking charge of it. i love HIM!!

den i met farah.. and i tell u.. God was with us all the day. ALL THE WAY!

first he provided a cab the instant i got out to the main road and looked arn a bit. and den he sent me a malay cab driver who was very nice and who spoke english! so i could converse with him. he was very very friendly and he waited for farah to come down.. =) praise the Lord! and ohh wait.. shld've started from the beginning.. first miracle was the tix that farah managed to get from josh.. heeee! i tink He jus knows everything la.. heh heh.. =) and soo yeah.. we were to go to boonlay to meet his sir and his parents. and the next wonderful thing (because this is so exciting i'm fast-forwarding) is that his sir has called me and offered us a lift to SAFTI! and i'm like.. ohmygoshohmygosh! God u love me.. u really really love me!! =)

and i was also thinking like.. wow.. God.. ur favour is really upon josh ar.. like i mean.. first is that he gets e tix.. and next thing.. he gets his sir to do it willingly.. at a time tt isn't exactly tt convenient for him.. and den his sir takes us back in his car.. to SAFTI without us having to spend a single cent and bringing us thru the security place and taking us to the shortcut and after tt bringing us arn and telling us exactly wad to do and where we shld go

my goodness!! we were so so privileged! and his sir was such an awesome person.. spoke to the dad n mum.. spoke to us.. even gave us the programme booklets when he realized that we didn't get em cuz we came by the shortcut.. and i'm like.. oh my gosh!!! its so coooool!

before i met the parents.. i was also quite nervous.. not like its cuz i'm meeting his parents and i'm the future daughter in law kinda nervous la.. but more like.. i'm jus meeting Parents.. and i never see em before.. sooooo i was jus feeling so jittery.. gosh! and nobody knows this but i couldn't sleep the past night cuz of this excitement la.. and i kept having stomach aches.. hahaha like macam sec sch like tt.. heh heh heh.. but thank God.. farah spotted the parents and navigated our way thru jurong point cuz i nded the toilet.. phew! and i was SO afraid that i'd be late la.. on hindsight though.. i tink i was quite late la.. both the parents and the sir were there alr when i arrived.. oops..

but still eveyrthign went well.. and josh was saying that he had his eye on us (where we were sitting) throughout the entire parade.. and i'm like.. awwwww.. now i feel special.. haahha!

i'll admit here also.. i was jus waiting for the time when i can jus run down and see him la.. cuz all this while he's been jus keeping his no1. look loh.. and he wouldn't let me see him till ytd.. so wheee! i really felt so so excited when i could go down n see him in his uni as i brought his parents down. i tink i would've run if his parents were not with me.. so i jus had to play it cool la.. hahaha but when i saw him. the first thign i could do was laugh.. and den i jus felt so proud of him.. and i thot he looked super super SHUAI!! -swoons-

hahah so happy.. and den the best part was when his uncle jus went.. eh.. ask ur girlfren come over and take pic la.. and i jus went reeaaaally loudly.. 'but.. i'm NOT his girlfren!'.. alright i'll admit not the best of answers but i jus didn't want em to think i was.. somehow.. and phew.. thank God for that... and of cuz this trend continued way on after la.. esp with eng koon's gf - hannah who jus kept intro-ing me as josh's gf.. ARRGH but i won't give up making tt stand cuz i know its wad makes us stand out as a testimony.. and i managed to let farah know abt it too la.. i dun even know where the words/logic came from but it jus came and i thank the Holy Spirit for that.. =P

later on reunited wif him n his parents after the dinner.. and sigh.. it jus felt so nice to be with him again.. he really felt like my prince.. and the book 'captivating' probably has a large part to play in me figuring that out. but interestingly.. somehow i'm seeing Jesus as my real prince now.. rather than jus.. josh.. and josh is in fact a nice side elt to it.. whereby he makes into flesh the notion of Jesus being my most passionate lover who deserves my all.. =) so yeah. i'm really glad for that.. cuz i want my heart to be in the right place.. where it belongs.. with JESUS!

but yeaah.. it was nice being close to josh again after not meeting him for so so long and he was in a nice romantic mood too.. =) happy! and the parents very very zi dong.. they actually wanted me to go off wif josh while they went home but i was saying tt his bag so heavy.. better for him to go home first la.. so off we went to his home.

speakign of his parents.. farah said i was like the perfect/good daughter-in-law.. and i was quite shocked. but wad made me beam last nite was wad his parents said abt me. heeeeeeeee

thank God i was able to make conversation with his mum and i'm so so glad that his mum likes me.. josh said that his dad told him that his mum loved me and that if i were to be the daughter in law she would be very happy. and i'm like.. WOOHOOO thank u GOD! i mean i wasn't all out ot impress and make em like me. in fact i was saying in my heart that i know my worth in Christ and if they don't like me.. it isn't the end of the world cuz wad mattered was that God loved me and affirmed my identity in me. so yeaaah.. but its def a bonus knowing that the mum likes me especially since she's probably quite temperamental.

-beams-

and the dad was askign if i was temperamental or not.. hhaha and josh being the awesome guy he is.. said no.. hahaah and e dad was going like.. 'not bad.. if u want to go further can go' and i'm like.. wahahahahahaha the whole night alr..

and this morning was the most awesome one la.. somehow i managed to show papa the photos that i took at the parade.. and he saw josh and den we jus started talking abt this hwole relationship thing. and even now as i'm thinking back.. it feels so surreal i'm not sure it really happened anymore..hahah

but the main gist of it is that pa likes josh.. and is impressed somehow by his IT diploma.. and tt he gave us the permission to go and develop this by going out with each other and he even invited josh up saying that if he wants can come up and sit sit lo.. jus dun make it a formal thing la.. =) for pa its jsu like.. can progress but dun move so fast in the kinda i-will-marry-u aka jiejie n alvin kinda thing.. hahaha

and tt brought a smile to my face cuz its like.. WOW blessing from my parents lo.. really really.. and i jus felt deep within that our answer lay in that of our earthly authorities ar.. and yeah..i'm really happy with the answer.. -beams-

mummy feels the same way too.. and i jus feel like the 4 month wait was worth it.. and i know that i can go on even more because somehow i'm jus gotten a new perspective on this thing.. like.. now its not so much of getting into a relationsihp and jus holding hands and doing stuff tog.. i mean.. i'm sure that' sweet and all.. but somehow now that i've got this approval.. it jus makes me want to slow thigns down more and take things from God's stance rather than my own.. n i kinda feel like josh is the guy i'm gonna end up with.. so i mean.. why bother rushign into thigns when at the end of the day... God's gonna see to it? and itnerestingly.. altho i'm still blwon away and VERY excited by everything... i feel like i can and i want to keep serving God and honouring Him first.. and i thank Him for the ease with which this is takign place ar.. so yeah.. thank God! i know God's gonna show us more stuff.. and well.. whteher we eventually end up tog.. its really up to God.. but i jus wan this to be a good testimony to pp arn us too.. =)

now i jus hv to ask gary abt this.. and well.. i'll prob hv to call him! hahah somehow i feel like this has to be settled be4 this sat comes along.. yep..

meanwhile.. PRAISE THE LORD!