me? a testimony!

wow.. today was just phenomenal.. and it jus makes me wanna go shout WHEEE and PRAISE YOU LORD JESUS I LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY TO SERVE YOU AND KNOW THAT IT REALLY IS YOU THAT I NEED SO MUCH IN MY LIFE!

erhem.. okay i shall compose myself.. but before that.. i jus wanna say that it really is worth it serving the Lord.. and today's been such a strong eg of that.. =)

alright.. was out wif erjie and farah today and we were sharing some intimate stuff abt ourselves.. jus between us la.. so i won't type it out here in case somebody stumbles upon it and they happen to know anybody involved.. tho chances are pretty low.. but still.. i made a promise and intend to keep it.

and i tink tonite was jus so planned. it was jus so.. timed according to God's purpose and i'm jus so glad that my life can be a testimony to others.. that they see that its possible to lead a life that holy and dedicated to loving God. i mean.. i dun claim to be perfect (that's jus totally wrong!) but wow.. i never knew i impacted pp so much.. like.. farah was saying in her situation that wad i said came to mind and that kinda 'saved' her from some stuff.. and i'm like thinking.. WOAh now tt definitley isn't me talking den.. but it was the Holy Spirit reminding her and bringing her that msg.. so its jus cool.. and i'm so honoured to be used by God and it jus makes me want to cont doing that! -beams-

and jus now when i was talking to erjie abt some stuff.. its like.. words jus come.. and i dunno where they come from.. an di know that its all from God.. like stuff that i've never really thot abt in depth so much.. they jus made perfect sense.. and WOW.. God.. u're jus AWESOME! e bestest there is! really! -looks at You lovingly-

this comes timely i guess.. as i'm moving past the.. 'i want to get good grades' phase.. and knowing what really mattersi n life - the lives that are arn me.. i mean.. it jus makes perfect sense now.. =) and i guess its given me a new focus.. perhaps even a refocus on jus what i'm put on earth for.. yep..

i want to glorify God in all that i do.. but that shldn't consume me and make me such a worrywart cuz God has it all planned out.. i really shld be that light in the darkness for Him.. esp to the people that i love soooo much.. =P yep.. i tink this balance is what i've really needed all this while..

praise You Lord Jesus!! and thank You Holy Spirit! =) and Daddy.. i love You!

its been a month

wow.. its been a month.. i wonder wad has changed since den.. shall go check it out later. but anyway i guess i haven't been typing here cuz of a lack of privacy when i'm typing.. either that or somehow the thots that i'd wanted to pen down slipped away somewhere and i somehow decided that it wasn't worth writing em down.

jus wanna blah this out tho.. i tink i'm running projects too much. and i wonder if i'm turning into a despot. u know.. like wad full control of everything and think that i know best wad's going on. i mean.. i know i'm not perfect, but what do you do when u got proj mates who are jus not as competent? i mean.. they don't seem to hv that same drive as i do when it comes to projects.. and let me tell you.. when i find pp who share that drive.. waah.. i feel super comfy wif em.. cuz i know that i can msn/sms abt our proj and we'll share e same conviction abt wanting to do this well without worrying that they think i'm neurotic.

okay.. well.. i guess i can get a lil neurotic.. and i do need to trust God more. jus for this child lang proj alone.. i know that i really put in a lot of effort.. and i really do want to see it take off.. =) an di know He will honour my work towards this.. cuz i really did this cuz i wanted to do it.. like i jus wanna put in my best lo.. not to usurp anybody or anything la.. but still.. it feels good to be recognized and given true credit for wad u've done. we hv this terms of resopnsibility at the back but it doesn't put in the fact tt i did the intro etc etc.. and i guess its good la.. cuz xuan wan did pretty lil.. and if we didn't put like tt.. itll really look like she didn't contribute. and i love em all.. dun wan em to be saboh-ed or anything.. but still.. how do we draw e line? i know the msg keeps ringing in my head that wisdom knows what matters more.. relationships rather than things. would i rather the grades and lose a fren? God i wanna commit this to you now.. eveyrthing.. e way i'm feeling.. e way i feel unappreciated (like Jesus eh?) and my worries abt not doing well for the exams/overall grade. Lord help me to trust you and place my hope on you.

for media also.. haiyooh.. i was really quite stressed that py's part wasn't as well done as i'd thot it would be.. i mean.. its like she didn't get the idea at all.. and its not that she purposely la.. but i tink maybe its her style of writing? still.. quite jiat lat ar.. an di felt so bad as i edited it.. cuz its like i'm overwriting her.. and i dun wanna do that.. but when it comes to holding the essay tog.. how can u not do that? and i really can't stand the way she keeps getting distracted and she and heidi will digress digress digress.. at least heidi produces good work.. but hai.. i tink i gotta get rid of this manner of looking at things and people and getting prejudiced against them. Lord.. forgive me for being so superficial and so result driven. i must remmber that it really is the process tt matters.. and to have faith that You can do the impossible and that You are faithful and Great...

guess it boils down to insecurity.. in that i feel unjustified.. so i guess tt has to be righted in me first! yeah...

and i tink jacob is interested in me.. hmm.. somehow.. i dunno but yeah.. and mark.. possibly? but i tink he loves me too much as a fren to think of something further than that.. tho i have an inkling that he's possibly had a crush on me before.. and perhaps me on him.. heh.. tt i dun deny..

ARGH pms-ing!!